


A Benz and a Pontiac

by thinlizzy2



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV), Parks and Recreation
Genre: Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Developing Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinlizzy2/pseuds/thinlizzy2
Summary: In which a diva from Indiana meets a master thief from Brooklyn, and two kinds of awesome align.
Relationships: Donna Meagle/Doug Judy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20
Collections: Crossworks 2020





	A Benz and a Pontiac

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elegantstupidity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantstupidity/gifts).



The night she met him, she thought knew what he was about.

Donna had made the trip to Brooklyn strictly because a gorgeous young man whom she'd been considering gifting with a parcel of her time and physical energy had a small role in a play there. As a rule, she avoided any theater aside from Broadway; Donna Meagle and the concept of low-budget were decidedly _not_ compatible. But he was a very pretty boy and she had a free weekend, so she figured why not?

By intermission, she knew why not. Up until that night she'd had no idea that it was possible for a man to be so bad at acting that he rendered himself unbeddable, but it turned out that was now a verified fact. Donna pulled on her wrap as she stepped out into the cold night air, wondering if there were any fine dining establishments nearby that could make the trip worthwhile with some scallops and champagne.

She stopped in her tacks in the parking lot. "Excuse me? What the hell do you think you're doing."

The man who had been fiddling with the wiring of an old Torrent slid slowly out from the driver's seat. Donna noticed that he didn't look nearly as nervous as he should, after getting caught in the act of trying to steal a car. Rather, his eyes widened in appreciation at the sight of her and he gave her a cheeky grin.

So she gave him some points for taste. But still.

"Is this your car, ma'am?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't ma'am me. And do I look like the kind of woman who drives a Pontiac?"

She watched him take that opportunity to check her out once again, under the guise of determining just what sort of driver she looked like. "Nah, probably not. Too bad for Pontiacs; it would be their lucky day. " He chuckled ruefully. "I guess it's too late for you to believe it's mine, huh?"

Donna folded her arms. "You guess right."

He leaned against the car like it would be his soon anyway. "So what's it to you though? A fine looking woman like you has got to have better things to worry about on a Saturday night than someone else's midrange sedan."

"What's it to me? Are you serious?" Donna gestured at her Mercedes, gleaming luxuriously even under the dim street lights. "Look at that prime automobile. She is a perfect wet dream of a car. Chrome and leather; George Clooney is still on the waiting list for one of these. And you go and try to steal some janky _Pontiac_? Right in front of her, like she wouldn't even notice? What the hell is wrong with you?"

The man looked genuinely surprised for the first time. Then he gave her a different kind of smile than he had before. It was hard to know for sure, but she suspected this one may have been real. "It's a couple of things. First of all, I try to avoid stealing anything that anyone actually loves. No one who drives a Pontiac really loves their car. A Benz though? That's someone's baby, and I'm not sending a baby to a chop shop."

The very idea of her car in that kind of situation made Donna shudder. She had to admit, he had a point. "Go on."

"Second, anyone who drives a beautiful piece of work like that isn't stopping at anything until they get revenge for it. I take a Benz, and I've got to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for some kind of Inigo Montoya type. Not worth it. And finally, you're telling me you had the scratch to buy a Benz and didn't spring for the silent alarm? Not a chance. I've got a skinny little detective boy over at the Nine-Nine who's been wanting to throw my ass in jail for years; I'm not taking the risk." 

"Be a shame to waste that ass." Donna couldn't help herself. This guy was clearly nuts, but not necessarily in a bad way.

His eyes lit up. "You want to go somewhere, baby? We can take your ride. Smoosh a little, talk about the finer points of Benz appreciation, maybe smoke a little weed, smoosh again. Unless you're an undercover cop, in which case I've definitely just been joking all this time."

She took him in over a long moment. Not bad looking at all: a charming smile, wide hands, the kind of body a lady could roll around on. But it was his eyes that convinced her. Donna spent too much of her life surrounded by damn fools to say no to an evening with a man who had truly intelligent eyes.

She gave him a brief nod and pressed the button on her keychain to unlock the Benz. "Get in." He held up his hand for her to toss him the keys, and she snorted on laughter. "Not a chance. I drive. And it's not just because you steal cars. I _always_ drive.

He beamed as he held the driver's side door open for her. "My kind of woman."

***

She mostly only introduced him to her colleagues on a whim. For the most part, Donna believed in keeping her private life private. But things around the office had been a bit quiet lately, and tossing a little Doug Judy into the mix was an irresistible impulse. To seal the deal, Leslie had been on one of her 'we all need to be hella deep in each other's business' kicks in recent weeks, and trotting out a semi-boyfriend had seemed like the easiest way to get her to chill.

But Donna hadn't expected everyone to actually _like_ Doug. 

She'd known Leslie would, of course. Leslie Knope liked literally everybody unless they gave her a compelling reason not to, like hurting small fluffy animals or working at the library. Tom was dazzled by the stolen Rolex which Doug wore for the occasion, and was therefore predictably blind to everything else. But Ron's approval was a surprise.

He'd shaken Doug's hand at the beginning of the evening, the gesture only slightly chilled by his declaration that he wasn't looking to actually make friends with Doug but was willing to pass an evening with him due to his lifestyle-proximity to Donna. Doug had taken a moment to let that marinate, and then shrugged agreeably.

"Yeah, sounds good. Why not?"

"Excellent." Donna's boss had nodded approvingly. "So, Douglas, what do you do for a living?"

Doug had held his gaze levelly. "Redacted."

After a moment, Ron's lips had twitched. "Fair enough. Care for a whiskey?"

And from that moment on they had appeared to be getting along beautifully.

Donna found herself feeling oddly proud as she watched Andy and Doug partake in a hot wing-eating contest. Sure, her work friends weren't as glamorous as some of the groups she'd run with in the past. They weren't much compared to some branches of her glittering and dynamic family. But they were hers, they were good people and they were spending their Friday night meeting a stranger just because they thought he was important to Donna.

She listened for a bit as Doug and Ben debated the cultural importance of Star Trek versus Blade Runner and then exhaled with relief when Doug declined Andy's offer of a follow-up ranch dressing drink-off. It occurred to her that her friends may have been right about Doug's importance.

The evening wound down naturally, with some people heading home to bed and others on their way out for a night out at the Snakehole Lounge. Tom invited Donna and Doug to go along, and normally she'd be down with that. But she was impressed with how well Doug had managed the night, and intended to reward him as soon as possible. So they declined.

Tom and Andy went to flag down a taxi, which left Donna and Doug alone at the table with April. April had been quiet for most of the night, which was far from unusual. But when April turned to Doug with a familiar look in her eyes, Donna realized that April's silence that night hadn't stemmed from her inherent natural creepiness. 

April had been _observing_.

"Can I ask you something?" She leaned slightly closer to Doug and kept speaking without waiting for an answer. "Are you a renowned car thief and career criminal on the run from the law?"

Doug smiled guilelessly at her. "Yup."

April gave him a half-smile. "Awesome." She turned to Donna. "I like this one. You should keep him." Then she was slipping away to join the men in the cab.

Doug grinned at Donna like the exchange had been nothing out of the ordinary. "I like your friends. They're good people." He fetched Donna's wrap and held it out for her. "Your place to smoosh now?"

Donna slid the fine cashmere over her shoulders and took his hand, marvelling that she seemed to have actually found a man weird enough for Pawnee.

***

Doug brought her something every time they met up. Which wasn't as often as she would have liked, to be honest. Of course, she lived in Indiana and he lived in New York, and it didn't help that he had to disappear from time to time. Donna wasn't used to missing a man and she sure as hell wasn't sitting around and pining for him while they were apart. But still - she wished she saw him more.

But whenever they did manage to see each other, he was good about remembering what she liked. There might be a bottle of wine in a particular vintage that she'd ordered at dinner months earlier. There might be a box of chocolates, dark and sweet with rum or cherries in their centers.

On what was roughly the anniversary of the night they met, Doug presented Donna with a lovingly wrapped gold chain. She held it up to the candlelight, enjoying the almost-orange gleam of 22k gold, and then asked the inevitable question. "Where did you steal it from?"

He laughed and refilled her glass. "Maybe I saved up all my pennies, meticulously budgeting every purchase, in order to buy you something I knew you would love. Is that impossible?"

"It's not _impossible._ " Donna fastened the clasp around her neck. "But where did you steal it from?"

Doug smiled sheepishly. "I went down to Florida a couple of months back to pull a job with some boys my friend Will put me in touch with. But when I got there, they were too dumb to work with; even if we'd pulled off the job they'd have turned me over to the cops for some magic beans afterwards. I took the chain off one of them as stupid tax, and to compensate me for the journey."

"You've had it for a couple of months?" Donna couldn't help but admire the way the chain glittered at her throat. "What on earth saved this beauty from getting fenced?"

"I was saving it for a special occasion." Doug leaned forward and kissed her neck, next to a link of shining gold. I thought maybe after I got to meet the rest of your people, but it seems like you're determined to remain a woman of mystery forever. So an anniversary will have to do."

Donna fixed him with a pointed look. "I've told you, you can meet my family when you go straight. You don't get to give me stolen jewelry and then whine about not knowing my mom. That's not how this works."

It definitely wasn't. The Meagle matriarch was nowhere near as impressed by criminality as April or as dazzled by shiny things as Tom Haverford. Donna's life was a very delicate structure of things she shared tenuously balanced between layers of secrets, and a car thief boyfriend wasn't going to be allowed to upset the order of things. Not even if he did know how to make her smile.

He gave a little nod, acknowledging her rule. "I paid for the champagne though. And the oysters. Those aren't stolen."

"Legitimately purchased shellfish. I'm impressed." Donna tipped one of the oysters into her mouth, savoring the briny sweetness. "I can taste the respectability."

Doug laughed, but he studied her face carefully. "Listen, if I do this, are you sticking around? For real, I mean. Because it'll take some doing, and I don't want to dissolve my vast criminal empire if you're just going to get bored a couple of months down the line."

"Vast criminal empire?" Donna arched an eyebrow. "Didn't you get charged with selling someone a fake _dog_ once?"

"Every empire's got a run-down corner or two." He crossed his arms. "What's the deal, baby?"

"I'm making no promises." And she wasn't. She had no idea what a non-criminal Doug Judy would really be _like_ , and it didn't make much sense to tie herself down to an unknown. "But I've also got no plans to go anywhere."

"Good to know." 

She watched him carefully, something like hope starting to take shape inside her. "Are you serious about this? Because don't waste _my_ time with big talk if you aren't. Do you actually have an exit plan?"

He made a fair attempt at playing coy, but abandoned the act pretty quickly. "Come on, Donna. When do I not have a plan?"

"Feel like sharing?"

"I'd hate to spoil the surprise." He kissed her gently on the mouth. "Give me a few weeks though. I'm gonna need some help with this. I'll have to see if I can get my detective friend involved, to give me a hand."

She narrowed her eyes. "The goofy manchild one or the hot biker-girl one?"

"Hey!" Doug held up a hand in protest. "I'll have you know Peralta's a very attractive man. Equal opportunity jealousy here please." They laughed together as he reached for an oyster. "Ugh. Slimy as fuck. Can't believe I paid for these."

***

Donna woke up to the sound of a car horn honking wildly. She snarled as she climbed out of bed, ready to give whoever it was a piece of her mind. But her heart dropped when she saw Doug in the driveway, proudly reclining in the seat of a mint-condition '69 Pontiac Firebird. She reminded herself that she wasn't surprised, and she wasn't angry. She was just… _disappointed_.

Donna didn't mind dating a crook. It was a thing that happened a surprising amount, once you knew a certain number of men. But she'd made it clear to Doug that she'd never get _serious_ about one, and he'd seemed to be taking that on board. But here he was with what could only be stolen property, and Donna realized that a man she actually cared about - actually _loved_ \- had chosen a damn Pontiac over her.

He'd been doing so well with his new business. Sure, pretending to advise CEOs on camera so that they looked less racist on the news was probably unethical. But Donna had asked three lawyers to check up on it, and it definitely wasn't illegal. Hell, Donna had been considering coming on board on a part-time basis herself; Doug had been pretty sure that she could have got a sizeable bonus for making the executives look less sexist as well. 

Donna knew most women believed that you couldn't change a man, and she agreed - _those_ women couldn't. But Donna absolutely could, and the fact that she hadn't managed it this time was genuinely upsetting.

Doug gave her a huge smile, as if totally unaware of how he'd let her down. "Get in, baby! Let's go for a ride!"

Donna stood on the porch in her slip and robe, shaking her head. Doug pouted at her. "Aww, come on! Why not?"

Donna gestured towards the garage that was protecting her precious baby. "I've got a Benz, remember? I don't need to ride in that." She stared at him coldly, letting him see her disapproval. "I have a beautiful car that I _paid_ for."

A hangdog expression stole over Doug's face. "You're pissed off", he deduced.

"I am. I'm also tired. I'm going back to bed, Doug. Good luck with the choice you've made."

"Wait, wait, wait!" He scrambled out of the driver's seat and blocked her doorway. "Let me explain."

"You can't", Donna informed him. "There's no excuse."

"Just let me try", he pleaded. 

And she just wanted this to be over with. "You've got one sentence."

He nodded, his eyes serious in a way she'd never seen before. He cupped her face in his hands, and Donna had to bite her lip to keep from speaking. It was ridiculous, but she was going to _miss_ him. "Come on; say your piece."

Doug drew a deep breath. "It's a rental."

Donna's eyes flew open. "Are you serious?"

He laughed merrily. "Yep. I've just got it for the week."

Donna felt limp with relief. She laughed too, even as she punched him in the arm. "You're a bastard; I hope you know that. Why the hell would you want to rent a Pontiac for?"

His smile softened. "Well here's the thing. I've finally saved up enough to break the lease on my place in the city. So if you're up for it, I thought maybe I could move in here."

Donna kissed him so hard that she imagined the Firebird must have been pretty scandalized. "You want to live here? In Pawnee? But what about your business?"

"I'm pretty sure there are lots of racist executives in Indiana. I'll be all right. I just want to live where _you_ are. If you're okay with that."

Donna kissed him more softly."I think I could be." She shook her head. "I still don't understand why you needed a Pontiac to tell me that though."

"The Pontiac's for moving my stuff in!" Doug beamed proudly at the car. "There's a surprising amount of trunk space in one of these babies. If we head out now, it'll only take us a few days to get everything loaded up."

"You rented a classic muscle car to move your bong collection and stolen laser discs?" Donna thought she had encountered most of humanity's more interesting variations, but she genuinely didn't know anybody like this guy. "Have you never heard of a U-Haul?"

He adopted a familiar pose. "Do I look like the kind of man who rides in a U-Haul?"

Donna snorted as she pushed past him. "Fair enough. Let's go get your crap. You do know most of it will be living in the garage though, right?"

I'm honored you'll even allow it on your property. Let alone permit it to room with your Benz." Doug tossed her the keys. "Here. You drive."

Donna started the engine, surprised by the softness of its purr. Maybe there was something to be said for old Pontiacs, after all. He'd been right about stranger things than that. "You're damn right I do." 

She stepped on the gas.


End file.
